I'm having those thoughts... I don't have the guts. To do it.

TOday was yet another day that was awfully gruelling. I'm actually becoming more and more pessimistic. I screwed the first 3 exams. I wonder what I would do if I fail all the modules. I don't know how to face other people.

i look down on myself

i despise me

i despise me

i despise me !

Everyone tells me not to feel negative, and that I confirm will pass, but what if I don't ? Maybe it's not such a big deal to some others, but to me, it's my life, my current life now. What I do, is just to study. I have nothing else but study. I don't have a job, I don't have anything.

I suddenly feel life is meaningless. I stress so hard, so much, just wanting to do well, but this is how I screwed myself. It's just so difficult for me to believe in myself. I don't want to over-estimate myself, neither do I want to under-estimate myself. I just don't know if uni life suits me. So what if I got a distinction in my individual assignment ? Overall I also won't get it.

It's like whatever I do I won't be REALLY THAT successful. Either I just smoke through, or I just fail.

Gosh seriously if I fail I don't know how to tell my parents or face anyone. People will look down on me. I will hate myself even more.

The feeling is even worse than breaking up.

I feel like giving up.