Moods of depression, sadness, anger, frusration and demoralisation.

I'm back home since 630. I took 3 hours flexi for my FTT which so unfortunately I failed. Sighs. I guess I'm a born failure and loser in everything I do. I'll never succeed anything with first attempt. It's only if I keep trying and trying. I took a cab home too, which was like the 4th time I actually took a cab and it cost $9.80 inclusive of 2 bucks extra charge for peak periods. I felt so guilty about taking it, cos it's so expensive. I can't help it, felt like reaching home fast.

Booked my next FTT online, which was a really lucky thing I did, cos if not the next one would be on the 3rd May. I hope I'll pass it next round.

I figured that the reason for not succeeding in things I do, is that I'm either unprepared or I choose to fail. It can't be the second option. I don't like to fail. If one don't fail, and never get lesson learnt, he/she wouldn't know what is it like to fail. If the person succeed for the first time, then congrats. It's either you are lucky or you are really prepared or both.

I can't help but feel like crying. Tears of anger, downheartedness, disconsolation, despondent and a taste of melancholiness. I'm in a state like no one knows. I don't even know how very bad I feel.

I need you so bad. Really bad.

Je te manques.