I feel especially utterly depressed today. Maybe because my mom and dad aren't talking to each other. I don't know what's going on between, but it seemed "hot". From what I know, it might concern the maid. She's always trying to act in front of my dad. One fine day, I'm just going to tell her straight in the face to ask her to get lost and go back to her damn country where HAZE originated. I wouldn't wanna interfere in their business, but being their only child and daughter, I wouldn't want anything to happen between. They became my worry from the day I came to my senses. My mom started blabbering nonsensical stuff last night, cos she was pretty upset by what my dad had said or done to her. Partly, or maybe mostly, it's my dad's fault. He started the whole stupid quarrelling session first. I mean, that's the only thing I know. Not from my mom, but you see, he has this "won't-admit-defeat" kind of character in him that makes people around him annoyed with him. [Told you before he's a bird brain.]

You know, the more I hear or see the situations that they bicker with each other, the more I find them childish than ever. They are just acting like a three year old, or rather even younger! It really hurts me to see them be in these situations whereby they are totally ignoring each other, and I feel really helpless because I can't do anything to salvage the problem! If I poke my nose into their problem, things would definitly get worse. Serious. I've done that before, and I don't wish to do that. Once bitten, twice shy. And being a single child isn't cool. It's not even like I would feel happy or contented if I have everything in the world. People, if you guys have siblings, better count yourselves lucky. Don't even think about the times they used to snatch toys from you or who mommy and daddy pampers more... If anything happens, you'll still have or can lend one another's support. I don't. My parents won't be here with me in my entire life although I wish they would be. If anything happens to them [choy], I'll be all alone. I'm not a filial child to them, I argue, talk/snap back at them. But I told my mom yesterday, that if anything were to happen to one of them, it would drastically change my life. I have one mom and one dad in my life, and I don't wish anything will ever happen to them. All I want is a happy family. I'm a family-oriented girl. The people in my top priority list are my parents. No one comes before them. I really do love them. The way I define lucky, is to have a happy family with no conflicts.

And I really don't understand you men. I mean, what the hell is wrong with you people? Men are such horrible creatures that always make women feel shit. I'm not saying I hate men totally, but they are really... such incorrigible bunch that I'd just smash them up if I have that kind of ability. The only thing they know is when they are interested in you, try to get into your heart and melt it and make you succumb to them. Once you're his, he'll let go a little, no longer treat you the way he did before when he tried to woo you and blah blah and hurt you and make you feel depressed, things don't work out and ta-dah the whole relationship comes to an end. Well, not ALL guys are like this, but for what I know some men around me are like that. Because of their "ridiculous" character or behavior, it brings me back to the past experiences that I have had, which made me feel even more discourage to start another relationship.

I just want to let myself know that the things I do, the decisions I make would not leave me any regrets. Just that I was being let down, and disappointment in the midst of nothing, and now it's not the way that it's meant to be. Everything just vanished into thin air. Including dreams, hope, determination and my confidence. It's all being washed away. Sometimes I can't help but to think of it. Of course, come to think of it, it fills in much more sadness than happiness. Oh well, this is life. You win some, you lose some. Guess if something were to happen, they meant to be happened. You can't literally change the way it is, right?

I'm really glad I wrote all these out in my blog, it's like I got something out from my chest. Thank you all for reading.

In the end, I still didn't make it to the motor show.